100 Kisses

 
A lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ...
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has
affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are
my sweetheart, please adjust. 
 
Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH 
 
His wife replied... 

True Friendship

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30
years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the
rest room. Those who remained talked about their
kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He
started working at a successful company at the
bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
company.

Why Planning is important?

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not
study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that
they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire
of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and
that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they would be ready by that time.

The Obedient Wife

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
And was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait just a moment!'

Can I Borrow $25?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

Never Argue with a Woman

 

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

" LOVE "

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"
When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..
When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And
Hold My Hand.. Afraid That I Might Dissapear..
When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..

Why Husbands Should Remain Silent

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not !"
WIFE: "Why not ? Don't you like being married ?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry ?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would ?"
HUSBAND: ....... ??
WIFE: "Would you live in our house ?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed ?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep ?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car ?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers ?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry ?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she wear my shoes ?"
HUSBAND: "No, her size is 7 ."
WIFE: -- silence -
HUSBAND: "Shit".

   

Sorry I'm still in love

I'm sorry that I'm writing you but I just can't forget.
All the memories of me with you,
Are running through my head
I'm sorry that I cried today
Though you didn't see my tears,
I just can't forget the fact
That today would be one year.

You said you didn't love me
But I know its not the truth
So here it is,
I'm saying it,
I still love you too.

A Touching Poem...

I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet..

Come with me..

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll fee d you', the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

This will really touch Your heart

 

Last night you and your best friend had a fight.
You decide not to talk to her the next day.
She smiles at you.
You grind your teeth at her.
She tells her friends nice things about you.
You spread bad rumors about her.

She tries to come and talk to you.
But you push her aside.

DATE WITH A WOMAN !!!

After 21 years of Marriage, my Wife wanted me to take another Woman out to Dinner and a Movie.

 
She said I Love You but I know this other Woman loves you and would Love to spend some Time
with You.

 
The other Woman that my Wife wanted me to visit

Some Laws.... Newton forgot !!!

Law of queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Human Brain Analysis

Women - Multiple process
Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time .
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.

Men - Single Process
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a
TV and talk over the phone at the same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can
 either watch TV or talk over the  phone or cook.


LANGUAGE.   
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain sets up. But can not find the solutions
 to problems. Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.

Globalization..???

Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization..???

Answer   : Princess Diana's death...

Question: How come ?


Answer:

An English princess with

An Egyptian   boyfriend crashes in

A   French  tunnel, driving 

A   German car with 

A   Dutch engine, driven by 

A   Belgian who was drunk on

A   Scottish   whisky: 
           followed closely by

A   Italian    Paparazzi on

A   Japanese motorcycles;
                treated by 

An American doctor,

using Brazilian medicines.

And moreover this is sent to you by

A   Sri Lankan   ,

Good one, Believe it or not!!!!

Brain of the Sri Lankan....!!!

This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA.*

A Sri Lankan man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked
for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Sri Lankan on business
for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan. The Sri Lankan man handed over the keys to a
new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the
title and everything checked out.

A Pray from a good Friend

I told GOD: Let my Friends be healthy and happy forever...!

GOD said: But for 4 days only....!

I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.

GOD said: 3 days.
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

GOD said: No, 2 days!

True Love

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
 

When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how
long you will be around


When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all
fine.

F*R*I*E*N*D*S

We make so many FRIENDS,

Some become Dearest,

Some become Special,

Fell in LOVE with someone,

Some go abroad,

Some change their cities,

Some left SL,

We left Some,

Some are in contact,

Which hell is better?

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.   He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He   told, "First  they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

Typing Error horrors!!

A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B.Ed exams,
which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

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A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."
The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her.."

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I can

Grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan ,
If I can, If I can, If I can.

"Very good", the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.

GOD exists or not ? Nice to read

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain
and suffering that I have seen...

A man went to a barbershop to have
his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good
conversation. They talked about so many things and various
subjects. When they eventu all y touched on the subject of God,
the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

Top 10 Reasons to Smile

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor.

We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns,

scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.


2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile..There's a good chance you mood

will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

Something

Father  and Son

 

One old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train.

Train is about to leave the station.

All passengers are settling down their seat.

As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and
curiosity.

 He was sitting on the window side.

Your Birth Day and the Tree!!!!

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and
 somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology.

 Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
 Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
 Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
 Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
 Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
 Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
 Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
 Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
 Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
 Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
 Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
 Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
 Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
 Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
 May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
 May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
 May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
 Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree

The Door Bell

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the
guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"