A lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ...
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has
affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are
my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
His wife replied...
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30
years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the
rest room. Those who remained talked about their
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He
started working at a successful company at the
bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and
Business Administration and soon began to climb the
corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not
study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that
they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire
of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and
that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they would be ready by that time.
There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
And was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait just a moment!'
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"
When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..
When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And
Hold My Hand.. Afraid That I Might Dissapear..
When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U..
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not !"
WIFE: "Why not ? Don't you like being married ?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry ?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would ?"
HUSBAND: ....... ??
WIFE: "Would you live in our house ?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed ?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep ?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car ?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers ?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry ?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she wear my shoes ?"
HUSBAND: "No, her size is 7 ."
WIFE: -- silence -
I'm sorry that I'm writing you but I just can't forget.
All the memories of me with you,
Are running through my head
I'm sorry that I cried today
Though you didn't see my tears,
I just can't forget the fact
That today would be one year.
You said you didn't love me
But I know its not the truth
So here it is,
I'm saying it,
I still love you too.
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet..
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll fee d you', the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
You decide not to talk to her the next day.
She smiles at you.
You grind your teeth at her.
She tells her friends nice things about you.
You spread bad rumors about her.
She tries to come and talk to you.
But you push her aside.
After 21 years of Marriage, my Wife wanted me to take another Woman out to Dinner and a Movie.
She said I Love You but I know this other Woman loves you and would Love to spend some Time
The other Woman that my Wife wanted me to visit
Law of queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, yr nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Women - Multiple process
Women's brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time .
Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe.
Men - Single Process
Men's brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a
TV and talk over the phone at the same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can
either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.
Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain sets up. But can not find the solutions
to problems. Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.
3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.
Answer : Princess Diana's death...
Question: How come ?
An English princess with
An Egyptian boyfriend crashes in
A French tunnel, driving
A German car with
A Dutch engine, driven by
A Belgian who was drunk on
A Scottish whisky:
followed closely by
A Italian Paparazzi on
A Japanese motorcycles;
An American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
And moreover this is sent to you by
A Sri Lankan ,
This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA.*
A Sri Lankan man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked
for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Sri Lankan on business
for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for the loan. The Sri Lankan man handed over the keys to a
new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the
title and everything checked out.
GOD said: But for 4 days only....!
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.
GOD said: 3 days.
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
GOD said: No, 2 days!
|A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. |
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
which the father received as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."
The message received by the wife was "I wish you were her.."
First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.
My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan ,
If I can, If I can, If I can.
"Very good", the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.
and suffering that I have seen...
A man went to a barbershop to have
his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good
conversation. They talked about so many things and various
subjects. When they eventu all y touched on the subject of God,
the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor.
We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns,
scowls and grimaces all push people away -- but a smile draws them in.
2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile..There's a good chance you mood
will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
Train is about to leave the station.
All passengers are settling down their seat.
As train started young man was filled with lot of joy and
somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology.
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the
guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall
and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"